Autumn II

dear boy,

you're fast asleep next to me right now in a land far far away... snoring a little bit. (yes, we've had this discussion many times and yes tis true, you do snore).

as i glance at you from the corner of my eye every now and then, i remember all the things that fade away with sunlight. i remember a time when i didn't believe in moments like this. i remember when i snickered at friends who claimed to be in love. i remember how i scoffed at the idea of sharing my bed. i remember comments coated with sarcasm so that they'd make everyone laugh and think me witty instead of letting them see that the cynicism i felt was absolute and ran deep. i remember a carelessness that wore me easily. i remember loneliness, i remember despair, i remember a parched mouth and i remember the taste of cigarettes. 

its getting cold outside now. as we sleep with our window open, we hear the sounds of the world passing us by. and we move in just a little bit closer. and your smell takes hold of me... your perfume left over from the day mixed with a cool september breeze and the first traces of what might become morning breath. and i remember the first night we saw each other. you walk down the cobbled street towards me, i'm smoking my fifth cigarette, a little nervous (but you'll never know that). we recognize each other even though we've never met and as we smile, both a little shy, you give me chocolates. i should have known then how this would end... this moment now was inevitable. but if i had known that then, what would i have done? 

dear boy,

you met me on a brink i didn't even know i was on. you stood there with me and opened a bottle of wine. we sat on the edge of the cliff and let our legs dangle above the whole of the world... oblivious to everything but us. and how wonderful it felt. 

dear boy,

how far we've come since then... so far that moments like this make me catch my breath and open my eyes in wonder. they tickle my toes and make me warm inside. they make me snuggle deeper in to bed, and deeper in to you. through your dream weary landscapes, you turn your body and mould it in to mine... your arms across my stomach and your breath on my ear... gentle lullabies that bring me the promise of sleep at the end of tumultuous thoughts.